A Letter from George
Dear Concerned Iranian,
I know you expect me to ease your concerns and tell you that I will exhaust all diplomatic options and all those nice things, but no, I am going to be honest with you here.
When God called on me to be the president of the most powerful nation on earth, he wanted me to fulfill His mission, to defeat the wicked ones, the evil, by my sword. As my bible says: (Job 27:7,14) "May my enemies be like the wicked, my adversaries like the unjust!... However many his children, their fate is the sword; his offspring will never have enough to eat.”
You may not understand, but ask your Ayatollahs, they’d understand. We think alike, the Ayatollahs and I. But, my God has granted me bigger guns.
I know you might have heard me talk about freedom and democracy, but let me tell you what this is really all about. Oil is a creation of almighty, stored under the earth for His children, His chosen ones, to take. Who made you the sole heir to this God-given, precious, sweet smelling, velvety black gold of power and wealth? (Oh, how my mouth waters just thinking about it).
I used to run an Oil business, so I know something about it (Some say my business was a failure, but I beg to differ, if it was such a failure, how come I made a heck of a lot of money from it?). We will do anything for Oil. Look at history, look what we did to Mosadeq, look how we carved up Saudi Arabia and Kuwait, and what we are doing to Iraq. See what we tried to do to Venezuela (Chavez thinks he got away, but his time will come soon enough). What do you think makes you so special?
Learn from Saudis. They may not have freedom or democracy, but see how they embraced our corporations and our military. Some of my best friends are members of Saudi royal family. They are good loyal friends, I say jump and they say how high. My family has done lots of business with them.
My intelligence people tell me that if you have any nukiller weapons program, you are probably still years away from making the bomb, but that’s not the point. Saddam didn’t have nukiller weapons, but we invaded Iraq anyway, and Israel has lots of them, but do you see me invading Israel? So, I told Rummy to cook me some intelligence and bring me battle plans (I love this guy so much, it makes Laura jealous sometimes).
Let me sum it up. Make no mistake about it, you either belong to us or you are against us (that’s what I wanted to say in my axis-of-evil speech, but those goddamn speechwriters edit every sentence I write).
You may not have liked what I told you, but I am a straight talking Texan (I was actually born in Connecticut, but was “born again” in Texas). I told you as it is, and I know I am right, as my bible says: (Job 27:6 ) I will maintain my righteousness and never let go of it; my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.
Sincerely,
George
I know you expect me to ease your concerns and tell you that I will exhaust all diplomatic options and all those nice things, but no, I am going to be honest with you here.
When God called on me to be the president of the most powerful nation on earth, he wanted me to fulfill His mission, to defeat the wicked ones, the evil, by my sword. As my bible says: (Job 27:7,14) "May my enemies be like the wicked, my adversaries like the unjust!... However many his children, their fate is the sword; his offspring will never have enough to eat.”
You may not understand, but ask your Ayatollahs, they’d understand. We think alike, the Ayatollahs and I. But, my God has granted me bigger guns.
I know you might have heard me talk about freedom and democracy, but let me tell you what this is really all about. Oil is a creation of almighty, stored under the earth for His children, His chosen ones, to take. Who made you the sole heir to this God-given, precious, sweet smelling, velvety black gold of power and wealth? (Oh, how my mouth waters just thinking about it).
I used to run an Oil business, so I know something about it (Some say my business was a failure, but I beg to differ, if it was such a failure, how come I made a heck of a lot of money from it?). We will do anything for Oil. Look at history, look what we did to Mosadeq, look how we carved up Saudi Arabia and Kuwait, and what we are doing to Iraq. See what we tried to do to Venezuela (Chavez thinks he got away, but his time will come soon enough). What do you think makes you so special?
Learn from Saudis. They may not have freedom or democracy, but see how they embraced our corporations and our military. Some of my best friends are members of Saudi royal family. They are good loyal friends, I say jump and they say how high. My family has done lots of business with them.
My intelligence people tell me that if you have any nukiller weapons program, you are probably still years away from making the bomb, but that’s not the point. Saddam didn’t have nukiller weapons, but we invaded Iraq anyway, and Israel has lots of them, but do you see me invading Israel? So, I told Rummy to cook me some intelligence and bring me battle plans (I love this guy so much, it makes Laura jealous sometimes).
Let me sum it up. Make no mistake about it, you either belong to us or you are against us (that’s what I wanted to say in my axis-of-evil speech, but those goddamn speechwriters edit every sentence I write).
You may not have liked what I told you, but I am a straight talking Texan (I was actually born in Connecticut, but was “born again” in Texas). I told you as it is, and I know I am right, as my bible says: (Job 27:6 ) I will maintain my righteousness and never let go of it; my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.
Sincerely,
George
posted by Mehrdad at
5:20 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home